Tuesday, April 12, 2011

It was my 22nd birthday..

It's my 22nd birthday. I thank those who wished me "Happy Birthday"s. Just basically on Facebook I had many frens who wished me. I was in camp today despite that I could have taken birthday off on my birthday but I had an important interview,therefore, I had to be in camp. So took it the next day off.

The interview was about the "NSF of the Year" award which I was nominated. In the interviewing room, there were many superiors of high ranks, about 7-8 of them seated across my table. And there were 10 nominees.I do hope they know it was my birthday based on the records that they can find..but I wasn't that type of person who would tell them that. Well, anyway, I was thrown with many questions about why I should be in the interview and not my friends etc..those were just normal questions that I could answer swiftly.

It came to the fifth question which struck me emotionally. I almost teared but held it back. One of the commanders asked about how would I convince my fellow comrades of those who are not motivated to serve the nation and how can I influence them to commit? I replied, " People came from many different backgrounds." I was then stopped by this commander before I could continue and he rebutted," now it's not about people's background or ...." and I didn't really bothered to hear what he wants to say as I'm the one who is speaking and I have to complete my statement. I continued, " My father...*paused...." then I was extremely overwhelmed by an emotion which I couldn't much describe..he's ..the..sole..bre-adwin-ner... of the... fa-mily...." and "I ha-ve two sib-lings...."after a long pause whereby I was controlling myself not to tear but my eyes were already very watery...and added on saying, "and of course...my mum..". And ended off saying, "this is the reason why I have to defend and protect them." There was a moment of silence in the room after I said that before another commander asked another question. And I took the chance to relieve myself but I believe everyone in the room felt my emotions. After the interview, I walked out of the room, tearing away..towards the toliet and wash my face. I saw my reddish eyes and there was an officer who came out of the cubicle and saw me. It was embarrassing but I made a quick exit after washing up. However when I was back in my bunk to change out my uniform, I teared again.. The emotion was unbearable..everytime when I thought about my father especially and following, my mum, I'll get extremely emotional and will naturally tear.. I do love them alot.

Though today the greatest achievement I had was to be nominated for the interview on my birthday, I wasn't really happy. Friends who wished me happy birthday...I appreciated it..I thank every single one..but they wished me happy, in the end, I wasn't. Maybe because I still feel that I'm lonely? Maybe I was exhausted..? I dunno..but I still feel that why I wasn't happy is because the people that I thought most of the time in my mind, didn't wish me happy birthday. The friends whom I cherished, cared, thought and loved most, forgotten my birthday. Well, I made an excuse for them thinking that they might be busy..Well, be honest, on your birthday, you would definitely want to see at least a message from the one that you cared most to be texted to you or call u right? Nevermind, I'll just live with that excuse I made for them.

Anyway, it's just a birthday.